The Outcast Ones Page 13

  “Leave Finn out of this.”

  “You’re the one who brought him into it.”

  “Because you’re always hassling him. Just admit that you can’t stand him.”

  “That’s not true. I’d be happy if you were half as intelligent as he is.”

  “I can’t believe you said that!” shouts Paul. Florence crosses her arms. Paul cracks his fist on the table and I flinch, terrified.

  “That’s enough!” he yells, “you look for someone else!” He storms out of the kitchen.

  Florence’s lips tremble and she stares after him, eyes wide. “Typical for you—you just run off!”

  My stomach is all fluttery and I want to cry. What just happened? Why do Florence and Paul hate each other so suddenly?

  There’s a groan behind me. “Finally!” Finn’s warm skin touches my shoulder as he pushes past me. He saw me watching? My cheeks grow hot. It’s his newest game to sneak up on me and frighten me. Again, I didn’t notice him coming.

  Completely unaffected by Florence and Paul’s fight, he goes to the kitchen cupboard and takes an apple from the top shelf. He bites into it with a juicy crunch and smiles.

  “Do you know why they were fighting like that?”

  “For no reason, none at all,” answers Finn, his mouth full. Apparently, none of this bothers him in the slightest. How can he be so uncaring when they are suffering? Doesn’t he know what terrible consequences a fight can have?

  “It doesn’t bother you that they were fighting over you?”

  “That was just an excuse. Believe me, I’m not that important.”

  His disinterest makes me mad. Paul is his friend, how can he be so cold? “And you know that how?”

  “Because they fight all the time. They don’t really mean it. By tonight they will be kissing and in bed again.”

  I don’t understand. No one fights for no reason. People who fight don’t kiss. He’s just not making any sense.

  “In the safety zone they taught us that fighting is a sign of war. Every war begins with a fight.”

  Finn looks at me doubtfully. His light blue eyes look me up and down and remain peering at my face. His head is a little bit tilted, so that a strand of his honey-blond hair falls into his eyes.

  “Are you worried?” He seems truly interested. As ever, it’s like he can’t evaluate me.

  “I don’t want Florence and Paul to fight. They love each other. It would be awful if a war broke out between them. The world has been destroyed enough, it might not be able to handle another war.”

  “You really believe in all that, don’t you?” He doesn’t sound certain, but his gaze holds steady.

  “In what?”

  “In all that crap they brainwashed into you. Don’t get me wrong, if I were you and had listened to the Legion’s lies all my life, I’d probably believe them too. But I think you’re clever enough to see through them.”

  Finn thinks I’m clever? He sees something positive in me? For a moment it hits me so hard that I completely forget what we were talking about.

  His face is kind—unusually so. He steps closer to me. “There won’t be any war, at least not because of Florence or Paul. They won’t even break up, I can promise you that.”

  Sympathy...in Finn. This is new. It’s even new for me that he’s looking me in the face when he talks to me. I meet his eyes and find it hard to put my thoughts into words. My tongue is like a heavy, useless lump in my mouth.

  He goes on, as if to affirm what he says. “You and me, we fight all the time, we don’t even like each other, but there’s no war.”

  He’s the one who can’t stand me. It’s not a fight from both sides. Quite the opposite—I like him a lot more than he deserves. “But why does anyone fight if it’s not to start a war?”

  “Paul and Florence fight for one reason alone: so they can get on together again afterwards.”

  He sees my blank look and starts laughing loudly. Against my will, a little smile flashes across my lips. It’s so good to see him without the hate and anger. He’s finally treating me like a person. Maybe we’ll even get on all right someday.

  “It gives new energy to their relationship and shows them how important they really are to each other.”

  I hope he’s right, even if I really can’t understand Florence and Paul. Even if fighting doesn’t lead to war, I’d prefer to live in harmony than hurl insults at each other.

  “I’m not saying I find it a good thing, what they’re doing. I wouldn’t like to be that way.” Finn shrugs and heads for the exit, but then he stops suddenly and turns back towards me.

  I look at him, unspoken questions on my face. He looks at his feet and appears to be inspecting the toes of his shoes. Suddenly, and for no reason, he’s as stand-offish as he ever was. “I wanted to go to the lake.”

  Why’s he telling me that? He’s never told me where he’s going before. He doesn’t even talk to me, normally. I moisten my lips. “I’ll tell the others, if they look for you.”

  “Okay...” He spins on his heel and walks away. What was that all about?

  Confused, I go to the kitchen cupboard, take a piece of bread, and cover it with fresh goat cheese. Finn actually managed to assuage my worries. Even though he didn’t make any sense to me, I still believe him. He knows Paul and Florence much better than I do.

  “Do you want to come with me?”

  I turn and look at Finn. He’s standing in the doorway again, nervous and twitchy, as if he’s in a hurry. Did he really just ask me to go with him? His body language says something completely different.

  “If you want to come, hurry up. I can’t wait around forever!” Wow. He’s actually gone red. He seems to notice it himself, because he pulls his brown cap down over his face and leaves without waiting for my answer. Quickly I swallow the last bite of my bread and run after him. Of all the secrets and mysteries in the world, Finn might be the biggest for me

  “What do you want to do at the lake?” I ask him as we follow the narrow pathway through the bush. Finn walks ahead. If he hadn’t invited me to come, I would think he finds me annoying. He’s unapproachable again and he’s walking so fast I can hardly keep up.

  “Swimming. Fishing.”

  A clear answer, if brief. Why did he want me to come? Or maybe he didn’t really—he just asked to be polite. Finn, polite? Impossible.

  We reach the shore of the green lake, surrounded by reeds. It’s not particularly big. The distance from one bank to the other isn’t even ten metres, but it’s deep and very cold, and that’s a pleasant thing in this heat. While Finn drops his cap and pulls off his black T-shirt without hesitation, I stand at the edge, uncertain. With crossed arms I wrestle with myself. The water plays along the damp earth and it’s refreshing even just to look at, but it’s embarrassing to undress in front of Finn.

  In nothing but boxer shorts, Finn steps into the water. He only shivers for a moment in the chill, then dives in headfirst.

  It was hard enough for me to undress in front of Florence and Iris, but Finn? I can’t do it. In the safety zone we never saw each other naked or incompletely clothed. For one, because it’s not proper, and for another, because all of us women look the same anyway. Supposedly, in any case. But it’s different here. Florence’s skin is like caramel, and she’s more rounded in the right places. With her long, blonde hair, she looks like an angel.

  Grace is maybe a bit older than us, but the contrast between her red hair and green-grass eyes gives her a mysterious look. Her face is full of cheeky freckles.

  Although my skin isn’t sunburned any more, it still looks pale and transparent like a ghost. Through the thin fabric of my top, I can clearly feel my ribs sticking out, and I haven’t seen my face since that first—and last—look in the mirror.

  Finn surfaces. His wet hair sticks to his head. A swipe of his hand moves it to hang backwards, then he looks around for me. When he sees me frozen on the shoreline, his eyebrows go up.

  “What’s up? Aren’t you
feeling the heat—or are you embarrassed?” His voice drips with mockery. I hate that he’s right.

  Helpless, I shrug. “I can’t swim.” Even though it’s true, I’m using it as an excuse this time. If Finn wasn’t here, I’d go in up to my waist at least.

  “Come in, if you dare. I’ll teach you.” He splashes some water at me, but he’s too far away to reach. I doubt that he can do it. The last time we were alone together, he wanted to leave me in a hole to die of thirst. But I don’t want to seem scared to him, don’t want to stand here like a coward.

  Slowly I undo my shoelaces and pull the heavy boots from my feet, followed by the dark socks, which I shove into the boots. Wearing my jeans and shirt, I step into the water. Immediately, the pants suck up the liquid, sticking heavily to my skin.

  “Why don’t you take off your jeans at least? Your legs won’t fall off if I look at them!” He wades through the lake towards me. His tanned skin shines wet in the sun.

  “I...I’ve got sunburn!” I stutter, and heat floods me despite the chill of the water.

  “On your legs? But you always wear jeans.” He doesn’t believe a word. I see mistrust in his eyes, but then the hard lines of his face soften. “It doesn’t matter. Your choice.” He looks away, as if he were the one feeling ashamed. “Have you ever seen a frog?”

  Silently I shake my head, feeling dumb as I so often do. Everything that’s normal for Finn and most of the other rebels is strange and unknown for me.

  “Come with me!” He beckons me, and together we step through the lake’s edge. The fine mud squishes between my toes. When we reach the reeds, he raises his hand to call for quiet. A soft sound comes to my attention, a sort of humming, but not as rhythmic as I’m used to from machines.

  Finn reaches a hand through the reeds, clearing my view to some hidden lilypads. Hardly visible is a dark green animal on one of them. It’s small, barely bigger than a lily petal, but wide and strong for its size. Its body is covered with spots and ridges.

  Unexpectedly, Finn lays an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer to himself, and to the animal. “That’s not a frog, it’s a toad, but it can swim just the same,” he whispers in my ear. “Watch closely now!” With his free hand, he pokes the toad so that it gets a fright and jumps off its leaf. It swims away, closing its arms and legs like scissors.

  “Did you see that? You’ll be able to swim like that too. There’s no better teacher than a toad.”

  “I thought you were going to be the teacher,” I blurt, laughing. Finn could be compared to a toad sometimes. When he gets angry, he blows himself up just the same.

  He pokes me, like he did to the toad. “Don’t get cheeky, or I’ll drown you.”

  There’s no threat in his words. He’s as relaxed with me as only Jep and Pep have been. Even Florence can’t manage it. She always makes an effort, but there’s always a certain distance. It’s strange that it should be Finn who overcomes it when he wants to. In these moments I don’t feel like an outsider, but of equal birth with him, as if we were really something like friends.

  We lie in the soft meadow grass and look up at the clouds. They wander across the blue sky in various shapes while our wet clothes dry in the sun. Finn has been incredibly patient with me. It’s not easy to believe that the water can carry me, or that I can glide through it like birds do in the sky. Although I managed to swim a small circuit of the lake, I am still very uncertain. I wouldn’t dare do it again without Finn.

  I turn my head to the side and observe his face in the sun. His eyes are closed and his mouth is relaxed. When I think how often he’s shouted at me and insulted me, he almost seems like a different person. I try to recognise similarities between him and Zoe, but I can’t, even though they are full siblings, unlike Iris and I. I wonder what Zoe looked like before the Legion shaved her head and coloured her eyes blue. Lost in thought, I run a hand over my head. It doesn’t feel quite so bald any more. The short strands feel firm and soft at the same time.

  Finn’s fingertips touch mine. Shocked, I look in his face. He pats my hair thoughtfully. When he sees my horrified expression, he pulls his hand away. “Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you. I just wanted to know what it feels like.” He looks back up at the sky. “Do they shave your heads every day?”

  The way he frames the question makes it sound like he’s asking if they beat us black and blue every day.

  Even if I wish I had long hair like Florence, it’s not so bad as Finn might think. No one has hair in the safety zone. You would feel strange if you were the only one who had it. “No, it must be something in the food. We don’t notice it.”

  “Zoe, she’s bald too, right?”

  I feel my cheeks glowing and the redness climbing into my face. Did Paul confess that he told me about Zoe? But what if he didn’t—I don’t want to get him into trouble, so I act dumb. “Who’s Zoe?”

  Finn gives me a cheeky grin. “Don’t be like that, I know Jep and Pep told you about her.”

  I could leave it at that, but it would be unfair to the twins. “It wasn’t those two...”

  I can see clearly that Finn is getting curious, so I hurry to add: “Don’t start thinking I’ll tell you my sources.”

  He pouts and wrinkles his brow. To distract him, I return to his original question. “Zoe looks like everyone else.” Her particular characteristic comes to mind, the way I could tell her apart from the others. “Well...almost.”

  He seizes on the word. “Almost?”

  “She has a little bit of skin pigment under her left eye.” I search his face and find the same spot on his cheek. I hadn’t noticed before, because his skin is darker.

  He smiles and nods. “I can’t even imagine how she would manage in your world. Here she was always so wild and boisterous. That’s why I didn’t even expect her to be alive. I guess she must have found it in herself to conform.”

  “She makes an effort.”

  “She’s my younger sister. I should be there to take care of her.”

  Finally he’s said it. Why did he have to keep it so secret from me? What did he think would happen if I knew? Did he think I would avenge myself on her for his meanness, if I ever get back to the Legion?

  “Maybe it’s hard for you to hear, but she’s stronger than you think.” I remember the reckless look in her eyes and the courage in her voice. Although she was in a place so foreign to her, as I am now, she never let it intimidate her, never showed any weakness. “I think she’s even stronger than most people.”

  “Zoe means life. She just doesn’t fit there.”

  I agree with that, but gradually I am starting to ask myself if anyone really belongs in the safety zone. I understand why the Legion set it up when they did, and I understand why there must be rules, but I don’t know why they have to be so strict and rigorous. We are still people, after all, not robots.

  “What does Finn mean?”

  “Wanderer.”

  It means little to me.

  “I think it means I’m searching for something.”

  “For what?”

  “I don’t know. For Zoe, for myself...I think I’ll know when I find it.”

  Iris is breathing softly and evenly, the same as Dumbo’s gentle wheezing. From the very first moment she took him in her arms, he adored her with all his little heart. To him, she is both mother and playmate. Wherever she goes, the fox follows at her heels. Even now he is curled up in her embrace.

  Outside the caves, the call of an owl echoes through the night as the soft wind whistles through the forest, making the leaves rustle. When I spent those nights in the cell, all these unusual sounds frightened me. They were so loud and irregular compared to my room in the safety zone. There is no noise there at night. It is quiet and black. Here, it’s not even truly dark—moonlight or the heavy light of torches falls through the small window.

  No one lies awake at night in the safety zone, no one is unable to fall asleep. I don’t know why that is. They probably control our sleep just as th
ey control our blue eyes and our hair growth. The longer I stay here, the clearer it becomes that the Legion controls so much of our lives, inside. None of it is new to me, but I never had anything to compare it with before now.

  When I think about the rebels’ plans to send me back, the fear of getting shot by the Legion is almost the least of my worries. No, I’m afraid that I won’t find my way back into my old life. I don’t think I could go back to waking at a predetermined time each day, eating the same food all the time, working and going to sleep at night. It would feel empty. Conversation with other people is what I would miss most. Conversation with no purpose at all—conversation just for the sake of communicating. No one does that in the safety zone. Everything must have a purpose.

  “Pssst!”

  There’s someone in our room. I raise my head, and so does Dumbo. It’s Finn. I can tell by the shape of his hair. His silhouette looms in front of our pink curtain.

  Dumbo settles his head back down on his front paws. He seems to think Finn is safe. As for me, I’m not so sure. What could he want in the middle of the night?

  “Cleo? Are you sleeping?”

  My heart beats wildly and a stupid grin sneaks onto my face. Cosy warmth floods me and goosebumps run down my spine. It’s so nice to hear him say my name. The name I was given just a few weeks ago, but it belongs to me as if it had always been mine.

  Carefully I push back the blanket and approach him on bare feet. When I pull the curtain aside, he almost looks shocked. “What is it?”

  “Come with me, I want to show you something.”

  My old doubts return and I stare at his face. Do I trust him? It seems strange that he wants to show me something at night, when no one can find out. Maybe he’s playing games with me. Just because he didn’t drown me in the lake doesn’t mean he’s my friend.

  Finn seems to sense my concern, because his neutral expression changes to a friendly smile. “Trust me.”

  His gentle, but raw voice sends a shiver down me again. I wish he would keep talking, because I would listen for hours. It wouldn’t even matter what he said. If he’d said “I want to throw you off a cliff,” I would probably follow him just the same.